i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Randomize