remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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