Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize