Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
