dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
