Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
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