oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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