Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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