My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
