were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
