first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
...so i touched it.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
