i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
