so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
