Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I was not drunk enough for that final.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
