My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
