I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
