i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
