just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Who died my cat blue again?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
