I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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