A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
