i just wanna soil my oats bro
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Is Oprah even human
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
