i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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