hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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