I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize