Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
