lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
found the other keg... it's in the tree
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize