u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I could fuck to npr.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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