i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
