just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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