sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
