I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
