Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
