god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
