Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
