Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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