it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize