i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
