walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
