I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
