$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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