I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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