operation have a gay friend backfired
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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