Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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