we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
