Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
