He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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