Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Congratulations! We have a period
Will exercising make me less horny?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
