I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
