What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
