So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
