I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
