12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
