I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
