Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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