I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
