it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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