Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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