Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
