my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
