i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
