Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
