we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
In America we eat man semen.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
