Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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