I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
