Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
