I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
