I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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