Joe is yelling at the trees again.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
and you fell through a lawn chair
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
