I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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