Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
