I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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