Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You pole danced in your parka.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
