that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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