Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
