fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
