I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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