Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
