She went from zero to smokin in five shots
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize