what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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