I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
