Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
