Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
