You really coming over, don't trick.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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