Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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