Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
50% drunk capacity currently
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Randomize