You're so nebulous sometimes
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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